Category Archives: Humor

Mar. 16, 2017 Robot Traffic Stop

On Mar. 16, 2017 NPR’s Vignesh Rakmachandran reported “When Policing And Race Cross Paths In Silicon Valley” about using robots to question suspects. What happens when a robot pulls over a self driving car?

“Duke University students Vaibhav Tadepalli and Chris Reyes developed a prototype robot that could someday conduct the initial phase of a traffic stop, possibly easing concerns for both drivers and police officers. With the press of a button, an officer can deploy the “Sentinel” robot from a patrol car that rides over to the stopped driver’s car, raises a screen and starts a two-way video conference between the driver and the police officer.”

Rather than use a Sentinel robot, why not use a flying drone? It could fly up to a car, signal for it to pull over and ask the driver for information. It could adjust to any height faster. If the car does not pull over, the drone could follow it faster than a ground drone or patrol car.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Mar. 13, 2017 Daylight Ravings Time

It is time to move your clocks ahead. If it is 9:00 AM, set your watch ahead to 10:00 AM. If you are Iowa Republican Rep. Steve King set your sundial from 1955 to 2017. Why? Because on Mar. 13, 2017 Associated Press reported Iowa Republican Rep. Steve King said “We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.” Someone needs to tell him that other people’s babies are as important as his own.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Mar. 10, 2017 Ozymandias Found

On Mar. 10, 2017 NPR reported a statue of Ramses II was found in Cairo. This is the Egyptian pharaoh described in the Percy Bysshe Shelley poem Ozymandias. Experts say he used to tweet a lot. :-)

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—”Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jan. 29, 2017 Blumbers

Tanks Trump

On Jan. 19, 2017 The Huffington Post’s Jessica Schulberg wrote that Donald Trump told the Washington Post that he wanted the military to “come marching down Pennsylvania Avenue” when he came to power.  It included tanks and missile launchers. What was he thinking? Crowd control?

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Dec. 31, 2016 Obituary

This was a terrible year. Very curious about the next one.

A lot of famous people died this year. Like old newspapers, I write obituaries ahead of time. If somebody dies I have most of it ready. If I know them, I usually ask them how they want to be remembered.  They are usually a lot nicer to me when they realize they are not going to be around forever. Of course, with modern technology you can keep popping up like Hari Seldon in Isaac Asimov’s Foundation.

This year we are seeing inevitable actuarial demographics. Many of the  celebrities were born after WWII. If the average life expectancy is 70, probably half of them are already dead. Not surprisingly, Jim Morrison, Janice Joplin and Jimi Hendrix all died in their twenties. Michael Jackson died at 50. George Michael was 53. Prince died at 57. Carrie Fisher was 60. David Bowie was 69. Ever the optimist, Mick Jagger just fathered a child at the age of 73. I do not know if he has any sympathy for the devil but he clearly has some sort of arrangement. Leonard Cohen was 82 although he was so depressed it felt longer. Debbie Reynolds was 84. The good news is that their artwork survives. You can hear their music or watch their video any time you want.

These were successful professionals with access to healthcare and they still died. Famous or not, you can quit smoking or drinking, eat all your vegetables and meditate all day and you are still going to die. Some of it is hereditary. How old were your parents when they died? What was their cause of death? If you are a GenXer born around 50 years ago and your parents died in their mid 60s, plan ahead. If your grandparents are still alive, you have to plan way ahead. One thing to do is to make sure there are rock solid guaranteed government support for everyone. Expand and enhance Social Security and Medicare. Honor the dead by improving the lives of others. If you cannot take it with you, leave something wonderful.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Nov. 20, 2016 Blumbers

Time Zoned Out

A clueless recruiter on the East coast calls a candidate on the West coast. The recruiter calls at 8:00 AM in New York, apparently unaware that it is 5:00 AM in San Francisco. The recruiter starts asking the candidate if they know all sorts of technology. The candidate says yes, but they also know what time it is in San Francisco and hang up.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Oct. 31, 2016 Don’t Beer The Reaper

It was Halloween in San Francisco, or as I call it, Monday. People are always dressing in crazy costumes. I was in the checkout line at the supermarket and saw the guy in front of me dressed as the Grim Reaper, scythe and all. I was figuratively waiting behind Death, who was trying to buy a case of light beer. The cashier said she needed valid ID. The guy said he must have left it in his other shroud and left the beer on the conveyor belt.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Oct. 25, 2016 Hunger Gains

Millennials are unhappy about their job prospects and this is why. A recruiter sent a job description to a candidate. They said they wanted up and coming, hungry and moldable candidates for very little money. Whoever wrote this needs to find a new job themselves. The term “up and coming” is dog whistle for young. “Moldable” implies some sort of cult. Why not just say they were looking for Dickensian orphans? Where in District 12 is this job located?

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Oct. 23, 2016 Blumbers

Top Ten Signs Of A Rigged Timeline

Here are ten signs that someone is just messing with our timeline.

  1. US President and actor Ronald Reagan
  2. California Governor and actor Arnold Schwarzenegger
  3. California Congressional Representative and singer Sonny Bono
  4. Minnesota Governor and professional wrestler Hulk Hogan
  5. Minnesota Senator comedy writer Al Franken
  6. Iowa Congressional Representative and Love Boat actor Fred Grandy
  7. Academy Award Winner Marisa Tomei
  8. The 1969 Mets
  9. The Chicago Cubs
  10. Star Wars Episodes 1, 2 and 3

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Aug. 7, 2016 Blumbers

Polarized Menu

New technology really can help you eat healthier. I was on the road for some time and finally found a fast food restaurant. I walked in and they had replaced the traditional printed menu sign over the counter with big digital displays. Unfortunately the displays were polarized vertically. I was wearing sunglasses that were polarized horizontally. The result was a pitch black display.  If I took off my glasses, everything was blurry. If I tilted my head, I could kind of see the menu. I took this sign as a sign that I should not be eating at fast food restaurants and kept driving.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jul. 17, 2016 Blumbers

Curtains For Curtains

How far in the future do you live that curtains are obsolete? One of the places I live needed curtains for a kitchen window. Nothing fancy, just white curtains about a meter across. I went to several discount chains and big mall department stores. None of them carried curtains. They all carried sheets, pillows and even shower curtains but nothing that could cover a window. I thought about going to a fabric store and make my own. I considered buying two pillow cases and holding them up with clothes pins. I thought I was going to have nail plywood boards across it. Finally, in a small discount store that was going out of business, I found exactly what I was looking for. I bought another set, just in case.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jul. 16, 2016 Ghostbusters In Silicon Valley

The latest Ghostbusters movie was fun and actually said a lot about today’s workplace. The actors were hilarious and there were lots of cameos from the first movie. The special effects were okay. Maybe it was too close to home for fanboys here in Silicon Valley. It is funny to listen to men who have no trouble with technological change freak out over social change. They seem threatened by a story about  women over forty with technical skills working as a team and trying to manage their own careers. Well guys, get used to it or watch the original on VHS.

Despite them, things are progressing. Smart companies are hiring women in senior technical positions at above market rates.  One hiring manager said it was a good idea to hire now than scramble for talent after November. Get used to that too.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jul. 10, 2016 Blumbers

Pet Pix

In celebrating the tenth anniversary of this website, someone pointed out that I never posted anything about household pets. No pictures. No stories. I considered posting a shaggy dog story about my pet giraffe and how I had to buy a car with a sunroof just to take it to the vet. I figured there was enough pet stuff on the web.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Mar. 20 2016 Blumbers

Pollen Nation

Spring is in the air. Actually it has been in the air here for more than a month. The wind has been blowing cherry blossoms down the streets like a ticker tape parade. Pollen from some trees covers sidewalks with a light green dust. Hummingbirds will need back braces to handle all this pollen. Think of it as organic smog.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline all rights reserved.

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Mar. 13, 2016 Blumbers

Hitting 150

People are living longer and medical records are reflecting that. I took an older family member to the doctor and the tests came back with surprising results. The vital signs were good but the patient was in the 18-150 age group. I did a double take. How many patients do they have that are 150? Clearly somebody is planning ahead and does not want to be caught in some sort of Y2K situation by not adding a space for people over 99 on the forms, but why 150 and not 200? If you are going to be optimistic, why not go higher?

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Feb. 21, 2016 Blumbers

Courting Disaster

Last week US Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died on a hunting trip at the age of 79.  This leaves the court divided between four conservatives and four liberals. Conservatives control both the House and Senate. Republicans said they will block any judge President Obama nominates. They want to wait until a new conservative president is elected. That may not happen. If the presidential election is very close or tied, it will go to the Supreme Court. If the court is divided they will be unable to make a decision. Without a clear winner, Obama would remain president until a decision is made. All three branches of government would be gridlocked. This is one of those situations where obstructionism works against conservatives. Approving a moderate candidate may avoid this. Even forcing another conservative candidate onto the court may not guarantee conservative decisions. This has been one of the most conservative courts in history and yet it still approved Obamacare.

Here is a comical idea with a legal precedent. People forget that President William Howard Taft was a Supreme Court justice. The Obama could appoint himself to the court. I do not think there is any rule against it. He is qualified. He studied constitutional law at Harvard. He as been vetted by three hundred million people. He gets on the court, decides a close election and has a job for the rest of is life. It would be hilarious. It would be justice.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Feb. 7, 2016 Blumbers

Super Bowl Sunday

There is a Super Bowl football game being held in Santa Clara this afternoon. Some call it the Concussion Convention. Others think of it as a Las Vegas floor show with a football game before and after it. Because of traffic, locals are staying home and watching it on TV. Sometimes the wisest move is not to move. BTW: It will be 74 degrees Fahrenheit in February in a city that is already at least ten feet below sea level. Some day soon the dolphins are going to play there. Actual dolphins. :-)

Note: Tukwila International Blvd. in Seattle?

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jan. 27, 2016 Abe Vigoda Dead

Abe Vigoda, best known for his roles in The Godfather and Barney Miller, is dead at the age of 94. No kidding. Really. Most people do not know he was also a great stage actor. He could make you laugh with just a look.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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Jan. 26, 2016 Work Pajamas

I saw a someone working in an office wearing pajamas. Not scrubs, not exercise gear, but a flannel nightgown with little sheep on it. I assume they were wearing their best work pajamas because they don’t make dark gray pinstripe gowns. This is a clear sign that the United States has no dress code. I expect feety pajamas in the boardroom next.

Copyright 2016 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

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