Category Archives: Humor

Jul. 4, 2019 Independence Day

Today Americans celebrate when the cast of Hamilton decided that they would not be ruled or influenced by foreign governments or inherited wealth. I’m glad that didn’t happen. Excuse me. What’s that? Really? Well, I’m glad that at least there aren’t tanks in the streets of Washington. What’s that? Really? Oh dear.

Copyright 2019 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

May 5, 2019 Blumbers

Scooter Litter

A disabled veteran uses an electric wheelchair to get around San Francisco. Lately he has found sidewalks littered with abandoned electric scooters blocking his path. He had several ideas on how to deal with them. The first was to put a cow catcher on the front of his device similar to what you would see on a steam locomotive to push the debris out of the way. The second idea was a using a small crane with a electromagnet commonly used in scrap metal yards. The third idea was to outfit his device with large monster truck tires to drive over the top of abandoned scooters. I suggested an app which would identify whoever abandoned a scooter on social media.

Copyright 2019 DJ cline All rights reserved.

Feb. 17, 2019 Blumbers

Trawling

We are still trying to get artificial intelligence right with Autocorrect. I got a message from someone who said they were trawling. They meant to say traveling. I pictured them on an Alaskan fishing boat like an episode of The World’s Most Dangerous Catch. In fact, they were eating sushi on a plane.

Copyright 2019 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Jan. 6, 2018 Blumbers

Count Spatula

A store sent me a ten dollar non-transferable gift card. I did not want to spend any more money, so I bought a ten dollar spatula. They kept sending me gift cards and I kept buying spatulas. I had a drawer full of them. I always had a clean spatula. I started giving them to friends and family. I became known as Count Spatula.

Copyright 2019 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Jan. 24, 2018 Trampoline

Insurance companies may not cover trampolines on your property because of possible injuries. I wonder if automobile insurance companies will cover thirty clowns in your car. The good news is you get to use the commuter lane.

Copyright 2018 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Nov. 21, 2017 Justice Blocks AT&T Time Warner Merger

On Nov. 21, 2017 NPR’s Alina Selyukh reported “Justice Department Sues To Block AT&T’s Merger With Time Warner”. DOJ is worried that the merger will concentrate too much control over content and drive up prices. Both companies said they would respond to these allegations on Wednesday between 10 and 11 AM. They then put DOJ on hold.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

 

Nov. 18, 2018 Squash Hopes

I have found a new recipe for squash. I hope it will make the gourd edible. Apparently you pound it until it looks like baby food and then do the same to an apple and mix them together. You put it in little containers and then give it to someone else.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Oct. 28, 2017 Computer Sharks

On Oct. 28, 2017 NPR’s Melissa Block reported “Top American Fears: Sharks And Zombies Or Corrupt Officials?” about the Survey of American Fears by Chapman University. “And we’re apparently as fearful of sharks as of computers replacing people in the workforce.” Frankly, I have yet to meet a shark that can code.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Sep. 8, 2017 Amazon New HQ

CNN reported that Amazon was looking for a second headquarters. Nobody can afford to live in Seattle anymore so they need to look someplace else in North America. Amazon wants to hire 50,000 workers and pay them over $100,000 a year. NPR reported that the cities had to have at least a million people like Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Toronto and Washington, D.C. I am not sure this is going to work. A few years ago Boeing moved its headquarters from Seattle to Chicago. It did not seem to a help people in either place. Employees kept flying back and forth in Boeing planes. Maybe Amazon employees will be carried back and forth by those little drones. IBM use to buy employee’s housing when they relocated. It worked well.

The solution might be to create more affordable housing in Seattle. It might be cheaper than moving. Wherever they move it will create the same kind of destructive real estate speculation that happened in Seattle.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Aug. 10, 2017 Google Robot Rant

On Aug. 10, 2017 McSweeney’s Ben Kronengold wrote “I’m A Google Manufacturing Robot And I believe Humans Are Biologically Unfit To Have Jobs In Tech””I, a manufacturing robot at Google Factory C4.7, value diversity and inclusion. I also do not deny that machines are sometimes given preference to humans in the workplace. All I’m suggesting in this document is that humans’ underrepresentation in tech is not due to discrimination. Rather, it is a result of biological differences. Specifically, humans have a biology.” Many of my robot friends thought this was as funny as Jonathan Swift’s essays.

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Jul. 7, 2017 Ten Years Too Much

A recruiter sent a job description to a candidate. It said “Must have industry experience of at least 5 Years, but not to exceed 10 years.” That kind of screams age discrimination, but it also does not make a lot of sense. If you needed brain surgery, would you want the doctor who has less experience? Of course whoever wrote the job description probably needs their head examined. :-)

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.

Jun. 11, 2017 Blumbers

Personal Watermelon

The sign said Personal Watermelons for three dollars a pound. They were about the size of a bowling ball. The sign raised all sorts of questions. Had watermelons become so large as to seem impersonal? Was it simply a Silicon Valley marketing strategy to differentiate from older larger mainframe watermelons or even smaller mobile watermelons? Did they really expect one person to sit down and eat this watermelon in one sitting?

Copyright 2017 DJ Cline All rights reserved.